dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
