there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
