just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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