Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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