There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You were trust falling into bushes
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
