I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
