at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
