There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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