I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
