farters have to be the big spoon...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So squirting runs in the family.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
