Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
