what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
