Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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