You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
