He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
