What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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