If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
