with your own penis?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Two words: nipple clamps
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