love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
The best revenge is premature balding
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
