if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
