oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
