So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
