I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
