gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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