You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
