So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
