she was so not down for the gang bang
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
