Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Enjoy the penises
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
