I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
