It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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