Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
