So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize