he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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