Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think my moral compass just broke
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
