I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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