I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
