I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
