I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
