Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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