I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
operation have a gay friend backfired
i came on her dog
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
