I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
