Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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