i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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