and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
