My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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