I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So much rum. So many feels.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize