your room smells of hookers.
And success
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
