I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
