awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
