I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
