I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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