i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
