I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My liver just had a heart attack.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
