I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
this boner is exhausting
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
