This is not my ceiling
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
