he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
