next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
