Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
