Sry I called you an 8
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
