if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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