I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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