pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
