in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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