I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
