I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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