i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize