why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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