wrigley field is MILF paradise
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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