We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
