y did u give ur computer a hand job?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
