if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
