I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize