i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
